darkinferno | [ic inbox]

I know that.

I'm the one that snapped him out of it.

Not that I know how, of course.

But the two of you seemed to have some bad blood between you even before then... and yet you still thought it your responsibility to bail him out of the messes that he makes for himself. Why is that? Doesn't it get frustrating after a while?

...and don't give me any of that crap about being a decent human being. Even if that's true, there's a limit to how much you can do when that person has no interest in bettering themselves, isn't there?

wait, you did?

how? i mean... what happened?

[Sorry, that's a #distraction. He'll come back to Bakhura's actual question in a moment though!]

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure.

I just remember that he had had a strong reaction to this card he had given me whenever he was near it, though how or why, I can't say for certain. If I had to guess, I would assume that it has some sort of magical properties.

...I still have it just in case. But I also haven't seen him react like that to it since despite carrying it everywhere with me.

[ He's also not speaking to Malik at the moment, but he's not going to mention that unless it becomes relevant. ]

huh

do you think i could take a look at it some time? maybe i could figure out what's up with it

[But anyways, let him get back to the question at hand...]

i guess i want to help malik because i could've been him. my parents didn't care what i did unless it would hurt my dad's name so i did a lot of the same stuff he did, at least before the warehouse

[and it was my fault the warehouse happened and ruined him, he wants to add, but before he hits send it's deleted.]

Yeah, sure. Just give me a time and a place.

[ Bakhura is hesitant to give the card up, but he also knows that it's important that the mechanisms behind the card are understood - and besides, Dante has just as much reason to want to prevent that other side of Malik from coming back as he does. He'll take the risk. ]

Really? That's interesting because a while ago he called you a "good kid." It wasn't exactly a compliment, though.

any time. i'm always at the dojo in tisse sunday nights if you want to swing by then

[Honestly, Dante wouldn't even ask to take the card from him. He just wants to look at it and see if there's any sense he can get from it, anything that might have given Malik that strong reaction...]

i'm not surprised

malik's the sort of guy that doesn't care how the world works, he's going to do what he wants and he thinks the world should bend to him. i grew up watching pretentious fame-chasers bending themselves to what the world wanted of them. malik hates that i learned how to bend the world by playing along with it first

You've got it.

And that sounds like Malik, all right. Petty is practically his middle name.

[ Not that Bakhura is one to talk, but he'll pause between this line and the next - ]

Do you think that Malik is capable of learning that, too? To bend himself to what the world wants instead of expecting it to play along with him? Even just trying... even if it takes time...

[There's a pause from Dante's end too.]

i don't know

it all depends on if he's willing to. if he keeps refusing like he is now, things are just gonna keep going the same way

i guess that's why i keep trying to help

because there's saying fuck the world and there's saying fuck my life and malik hasn't figured out the difference yet

In other words, you're still helping him on the off-chance that he might be willing to try? That's an awfully big risk.

Are you sure it's worth taking?

who knows? maybe it isn't

but people took risks on me even when i wanted to push them away

even if things never change, i don't think i could forgive myself if i just gave up on him

I see.

Knowing that there's someone out there who would be willing to take that chance on you, who can believe that you're capable of change even when you don't think that you are certainly would make a difference in what you think you can do, wouldn't it?

I wonder why that wasn't more obvious to me before.

huh? what do you mean?

it's not exactly that though, it's more like... there's no reason to care what other people thought because they wouldn't be around anyways. either you'll move and they'll stop contacting you or they'll leave when things get rough

it takes a while before the idea that they WON'T go away sinks in

That's true. However, people can realistically only be expected to put up with so much for so long even if they want to help you... and eventually, those limits become apparent enough to you for you to figure out just how much you can push them until people go away, no matter how determined they are to stay by your side. I know because that's what I've done to others, and that's what he's done to me despite everything I've gone through with him.

What makes people want to keep playing that game? Knowing that it's all just a ruse and has nothing to do with them?

And it's nothing. Don't worry about it.

[ He might have been projecting a little in his last response, but he's sure as hell not going to admit it. He's already said too much as it is, but after a conversation on the network the day before, he can't keep his thoughts to himself any longer. ]

i don't know

[A lie. For him, it's guilt, and he knows it.]

hell, i don't know why people put up with ME, let alone why i'm not giving up on malik yet

Perhaps you don't want to give up on Malik because you see yourself in him, and if other people were able to see something in you that was worth fighting for then you were hoping to find something similar in Malik.

Believe me, I had seen myself in him, too, once... and was determined to stay by his side no matter what as well. Unfortunately, not all of us are so lucky. Without the experience of having other people to put up with me, it was a mission easier said than done.

[ there's a pause between this text and the next - ]

In hindsight, I was foolish.

And in the end, no better than all of the people in my life who had given up on me.

[ oh my god is this what he's been doing to other people all this time?? an epiphany. ]

[There's a little huff of amusement on Dante's side. Huh. Did Bakhura just make some sort of breakthrough based off their conversation? That's unexpected. But at the same time... nice, to know that sharing his experiences was able to help him like this.]

maybe you're right

i'm definitely lucky to have the people around me that i do. i know if i ever need their help, they'll be there for me no matter what it takes

maybe we can both be there for malik, even if he doesn't think he needs anyone backing him up

That must be nice... it's something I would have liked to have had, and it's something I thought I had with Malik when we were still friends. Our interests weren't always the same, but he didn't care that I was a bad kid, or that I wasn't as sweet and friendly as the adults around me wanted to be... he kept hanging out with me no matter how hard I tried to push him away. None of my usual people barriers seemed to work on him.

But maybe what we had was something he ultimately decided to sabotage despite all that because he didn't think he was worthy of it.

I was the same way for the longest time, and to a degree, I still am... but I had made an exception for him because he seemed to have made an exception for me, too, at least at first. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was letting him in, but that wasn't the case in reverse... so I felt that, for my sake, I had to let him down the same way most of the adults in my life had let me down.

But now I know why they did.

so what are you going to do next?

I'm going to let him make the first move. With the way our relationship ended, I don't think he'd be very receptive to anything else right now.

But I'll meet him halfway if he does.

[It'll be a minute before there's any sort of response from Dante. It seems as though Bakhura's answered all his own questions.

But finally:]

so i'll see you sunday?

Yeah. I'll see you then.

Later.

[ic inbox]

HELLO that's totally okay! real life is more important

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