darkinferno | [ic inbox]

Wow, you sure are confident for being entirely wrong! Congratulations.

[ He isn't, but like hell Malik is going to let him know ]

I stopped caring a long time ago. If this was all an act, it'd fall apart after all this time... No, I just really can't care less about the people who want to think I'm just some poor, misguided boy and maybe they can play hero and make me better to raise their self esteem... Then they leave anyway. Rinse and repeat. I've been doing this for over a decade, I know how shallow people are. They don't care either. THEY'RE the ones pretending, not me.

nah

you just keep shoving it further and further down until it rots and festers and you lash out at anybody that tries to treat you decently because all you're used to is sarcasm and lies and it's easier to deal with that than it is somebody talking about how they actually feel

then you keep telling yourself that it's their fault because they didn't really care about you because if they'd REALLY cared they would have

done what, exactly? tried to reach out to you? invited you into your home? tried to make you a part of their family?

[He's thinking about Malik's foster-parents. His mother--how happy she'd been to think that her son had met and made a friend. How she (at least, seems) to actually want to be a mother to him, if he'd only let her. It's something that he's almost a little bit jealous of--or, would be, if not for Grell a little while earlier.]

what do you want

You truly have no idea how the system works, do you? I'll fill you in:

These people are nothing but glorified babysitters. They are required to care for any children placed in their home because it's how they get their money. If they don't like their placement, or think something would be "better" for them, they file to get them moved. This isn't my first "family" you know, and I know once these people get sick of me it'll be the same thing. Either that or maybe they'll guilt themselves to keep me until I'm 18 and then... oops! I'm still aged out and I'm still sent away.

No matter how nice you think anyone is, it's still shallow. I am not interested in playing up to their expectations so they can use me as an advertisement to place in another home... Because that's what it is. If you're good maybe you can have the privilege of having a family! If you're bad, well, you're getting sent away anyway! I'm not about to degrade myself so I can act as an advertisement to a bunch of strangers. Even if my parents want nothing to do with me, at least their disinterest was sincere. I'd take that over this childish 'playing house' crap.

So, yes, I'm actually right and they're actually pretending. This is something I live with every day... They're lucky I go along with this at all, but even so, it doesn't mean I care about them as people. The house could catch on fire for all I care! They don't mean anything to me, just as I do to them. They might say they do now, but in a little over a year, once I'm gone, I'll go back to being the same nobody to them as I was before I was placed there. And before you try to jump to their defense, no, they also didn't seem to mind that I was gone for three weeks. So much for being decent guardians! Try all you want to convince yourself that you have any idea what it's like being me, but you're still wrong.

wow i'm glad that retrospec's apparently given you the ability to read people's minds and know exactly what they're thinking without any possible way of ever being wrong

wait a second it didn't you're just being a tool

NOBODY knew we were gone for three weeks, nobody who wasn't on the network. i tried calling ari today and she was completely surprised to hear from me and everybody else seems convinced i went to visit my old man for three weeks instead of going missing entirely

i don't know what happened to the people you're living with but i'd put money on the fact that retrospec messed with their brains to make it fine that you were gone, the fact that they apparently didn't worry doesn't mean shit

you can try and tell me i'm wrong all you want but at the end of the day you're just driving people away yourself, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy you're writing and it's all gonna blow up in your face sooner or later

You're trying very hard to defend these people you don't know... That's alright, even if you're still misguided. There, is that a better word? Does it hurt your feelings less that way? Oh well, you're still wrong. Even with Retrospec meddling, there could have been any other reaction instead of what I got. But that's nothing new either! So maybe it's better that way. Retrospec doesn't have to tell them to not care... they have that all worked out by themselves.

Has it ever occurred to you, during any of your self-righteous rambling that I never wanted to be with anyone? I don't NEED people telling me what to do or how to act. If they leave, who cares! I don't care because I'm better off alone! I certainly don't need your pity because I don't fit into this manufactured "family."

okay then here's an easy question for you

what did you want them to do when you got back

what reaction did you want them to have since apparently you were looking for one

otherwise you wouldn't be bitching about how "there could have been any other reaction instead of what i got"

so what did you want

Something more genuine.

Why are you so determined to pry into my life? It's not going to prove anything, I know what I've been through and you trying to shove it back into my face like I'm somehow wrong about it isn't going to

you know what, nevermind, you don't even deserve to finish this conversation with me. I'm not going to sit here while you keep trying to one up me in regards to my own life. I know what I've been through and it's just as bullshit as I've been telling you! You're not listening either!

So leave me alone!

oh i'm listening malik

you're just getting pissed because i'm not rolling over to validate what you're saying

what reaction would have been "genuine" enough for you? anything OTHER than "oh. you're back." with that look like they smelled something bad?

shut up SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT LISTNING AT ALL YOU'RE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT I SAY YOU STUCK UP ASSHOLE I HATE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE GO AWAY GOAW AY GO A WA Y

you're the one that texted me first

but whatever, if you don't like what i'm saying, you don't have to listen

the same way you've been doing this whole time

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