darkinferno | [ic inbox]

That's correct.

It's difficult to describe, but I felt as if there was less weighing on me. Both physically and mentally. Whatever that happens to imply is up for debate.

physically?

[He gets the whole "weight of the world on your shoulders" feeling, but that's not a physical feeling. Does he mean his body felt more able to support him, or that he moved easier? Lighter weight...?]

i think most people would feel more lighthearted if they were able to help people like that. or do you think you felt less weighted down for another reason?things you did or didn't know then, or things you'd taken care of that you were fighting against in the first memory...

[Listen, he's just spitballing ideas here. He's not as helpful when it comes to decoding these memories.]

[There's a delay because this is... difficult to put into words. Which is saying something, when it comes to a man like Ardyn who throws superfluous verbiage out like they're nothing.

Finally, after a minute or two, he seems to have decided on something.]

This is going to sound trite, but take into consideration the concept of the soul. Or even just an innate sense of well-being, if that's too metaphysical for you. With the train memory, something felt heavy, not because of an /actual/ weight that I could account for, but it did feel like something was hindering me. Something within, more than just the negative emotions. Clawing at my very being. In this case, I felt no such thing.

[Almost subconsciously, Dante's reaching up to brush his fingers against his chest, over his heart.]

i think i get what you mean

[When he'd--or his past self--had been leaving--left?--Castle Oblivion. There had been something weighing down his heart in a way he didn't feel in his other memories. It's still a mystery as to what it is or why it had felt so different, or even to where in this timeline it falls... but he can kind of understand.]

but when you were healing, you didn't feel that weight

maybe you were healing more than just other people by doing that

[Ardyn continues, unaware of Dante's personal musings.]

Maybe. They feel so far apart from one another, it's difficult to say. There's one complication, however, that I'm not sure how to parse just yet.

The suffering of those I healed... I took it within myself, instead. A connection, I wonder?

[...oh. That makes this entire healing thing a double-edged sword, doesn't it?]

it could be. maybe i'm looking at this backwards

if you were healing them at the expense of taking it into yourself, how do you get rid of that pain? or does it just fester?

or did it, i guess

these memories are getting confusing

what sorts of things were you healing? stuff like broken bones or sicknesses?

Maybe it festers. Maybe I didn't know /how/ to be rid of the pain. I can't be sure, but the "me" on the train certainly carried the weight of whatever plague it was.

Because it was a plague. A sickness, a pandemic. It could affect anyone, at any time. Beyond that, the details escape me. Small things I may have been able to heal as well, but I think the main reason for my traveling around the world (? unfamiliar and still unnamed) was because of this singular sickness.

[Man. That's some heavy stuff, Ardyn. To be someone that heals others, just to wind up suffering yourself from all the sickness you took from them in the first place... Dante lets out a low whistle.]

gotta say, prof, that sounds like a pretty bum rap to me. you do all this work to save people and there's no way to save yourself?

maybe the thing we've all got in common is shit pasts

If there was a way, I don't remember it. Odd thing is, though, I /knew/ what I was doing, what the consequences of my actions would be. But I was keen on it anyway, for the sake of aiding others. This other me was a very altruistic sort of person. I'm almost jealous.

Like I said, the story is still incomplete. There might be a ray of hope in yours and in mine; it's only a matter of it revealing itself. No need to assume it's all doom and gloom.

don't be too jealous, things never end well for people like that. the world takes you for all you're worth and then throws you away when you've given them everything you've got

[He might be a little bit cynical about the world.]

but you're right, we don't know everything yet. there might be something left we don't know

[Wow, Dante. That's pretty dark right there. And yet, Ardyn can't seem to bring himself to argue against it. What grounds did he have to say it wasn't the case? He didn't know. All he could do was make assumptions.]

Discarded like trash? I do hope not. It would make for a traumatizing experience, don't you think?

what, are you trying to tell me i'm wrong? take a look around, nobody does charity work for the good of mankind or whatever reason they give. they do it for the photo ops

Rather cynical of you. While I can't deny that may be true for some people, surely you can't believe that /all/ of them are in it for the fame and fortune. I can think of a few individuals who have sacrificed much of themselves for the greater good.

yeah? and how'd work out for them?

Results vary. But if it's what they wanted to do, who are we to judge?

human, i'd say

but sure if they want to do that then fine

i'm just saying don't be jealous of them

Has anyone told you that you've a very skewed way of looking at the world? Ah, but perhaps that's merely the folly of youth and little more.

just calling it like i see it, prof

when the world decides to change i'll change my tune along with it

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