Dante's shoulders do instinctively shift when Togusa reaches out to him--he's not used to people trying to offer comfort; it feels strange for that weight to be there. It's not that he's intentionally shrugging Togusa off, but it may be what happens nonetheless.
"Maybe. I don't know. I don't think he knew what was going to happen after he died."
He has to take a moment here to sort his thoughts out, to revisit all the different memories he's had and try to figure out the order they all belong in. There are so many, of all these different places and people and events... he thinks again that it seems too much for one life, that he can't imagine how it all fits together.
"And you're misunderstanding me," Dante says, the rest of Togusa's words sinking in belatedly. "It's not 'a force we don't understand.' When he started using the darkness... he could summon monsters. They obeyed him. That's what got him killed.
"In one memory I have, someone was arguing with him about it. He tried to tell the other me that he was stupid for siding with them and that 'sooner or later they'll swallow your heart.'" He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "I think that's what must have happened. Wherever he wound up, he was fighting those monsters. That was the first thing I ever remembered, fighting the Heartless in that afterworld. It didn't matter how many of them I killed, more kept coming back to take their place."
He doesn't want to see the look on Togusa's face. He knows how bad it all is--there's a reason he hasn't been telling many people about these memories, after all. "When I first showed up in that place, I could feel myself wanting to fade away. Like it'd be easier if I just let it happen and became nothing. How long he managed to hold on... I don't know."
no subject
"Maybe. I don't know. I don't think he knew what was going to happen after he died."
He has to take a moment here to sort his thoughts out, to revisit all the different memories he's had and try to figure out the order they all belong in. There are so many, of all these different places and people and events... he thinks again that it seems too much for one life, that he can't imagine how it all fits together.
"And you're misunderstanding me," Dante says, the rest of Togusa's words sinking in belatedly. "It's not 'a force we don't understand.' When he started using the darkness... he could summon monsters. They obeyed him. That's what got him killed.
"In one memory I have, someone was arguing with him about it. He tried to tell the other me that he was stupid for siding with them and that 'sooner or later they'll swallow your heart.'" He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "I think that's what must have happened. Wherever he wound up, he was fighting those monsters. That was the first thing I ever remembered, fighting the Heartless in that afterworld. It didn't matter how many of them I killed, more kept coming back to take their place."
He doesn't want to see the look on Togusa's face. He knows how bad it all is--there's a reason he hasn't been telling many people about these memories, after all. "When I first showed up in that place, I could feel myself wanting to fade away. Like it'd be easier if I just let it happen and became nothing. How long he managed to hold on... I don't know."